...sometimes pregnancy is scary.

Okay, there, I said it- sometimes this journey is scary!  Now, Baby H, I hope you don't feel burdened by reading this, but I honestly just want to portray the challenging moments with the invigorating moments because they all balance out to a truly wonderful whole.  So please, don't worry too much in reading this, okay? : ) 

On Thursday evening of last week, Steve and I were assuming our regular pre-bed couch positions and watching a recorded episode of one of our favorite shows (Top Chef).  Normally, I look forward to this ritual and often gab eagerly throughout it - which he really LOVES - but on this night, I just couldn't get comfortable.  Now, this has become more of a challenge anyways as of late, what with the expanding belly, but something really just wasn't right.  I kept moving around, and realized that my back was starting to irritate me.  Having experienced back pain for the first two months of pregnancy, I figured I was just venturing down the same road, but then it got to be practically unbearable.  So unbearable, in fact, that I straight up left during the last and best ten minutes of the show and went up to bed in attempt to soothe my aches.

Unfortunately, things only got worse when I went up to bed.  The pain was increasing at an alarming rate, matched by my worries.  All I could think to myself was, "Don't people feel contractions in their back?  Why can't I breathe?  Why can't I get comfortable?  What is going on??"  I called for Steve, with a loud and moaning, "Baaaabe," whereupon *Bagle* came bounding up the stairs and planted himself by my side on the bed.  (I <3 that dog.)  Steve eventually made it up the stairs to me but at that point I had already decided I needed to call the doctor.  I was scared.

I waited for the call back from the answering service, and was eventually connected to my doctor.  I explained to her the position of my pain (middle back extending around to my ribs) and answered her questions between gasps.  She assured me to try Tylenol and a heating pad, but to go into the hospital for a check-up if things got worse.  I took a breath, thanked her, and hung up with a desperate hope.

To be honest, I've avoided reading about what contractions feel like and when and where they occur for the very reason that I don't want that knowledge to be haunting me until we're really close!  Therefore, I really had no idea about what I was experiencing.  Thankfully, Steve gave me some firm words of advice after I got off the phone- he told me he had felt my pain before, that it was a likely a muscle spasm, and that as hard as it may seem I NEEDED to calm down in order for my muscles to do the work to loosen up.   Heating pad arranged and myself now located on the guest bed with the extra firm mattress, I tried my best to follow my doctor and Steve's advice.

THANK GOD the heating pad started to do the trick within a few minutes and finally my mind was able to start settling.  I gradually found myself trusting in the fact that I had done the right thing so far, and that decreasing pain was a positive sign.  Eventually, I even fell asleep for a few hours at a time. 

Of course, I wish I weren't so neurotic at times and that I could handle the fear of the unknown better.  I PRAY, Baby H, that you will receive your dad's healthy acceptance for life, speckled with his love of a challenge.  My nerves are not something I want you to have to live with.  Nevertheless, this scary and somewhat carried away moment of mine was yet another learning experience for me during pregnancy.  I learned from the doctor the next morning that muscle spasms in the back and legs are actually common during pregnancy, since the blood flow in my body is changing all around to cater to Baby H.  I also learned that so far, my body really enjoys testing out a variety of pregnancy "symptoms." 

Thank you for teaching me about a new part of life, Baby H.  Please help me to have faith in you and to allow you to be as you need to be.  We love you!